I think something is ‘happening’ in my life that I really don’t understand. So today I decided to start trying to write about it, and then maybe I will make some more sense of it.
Lets begin by going back in time to when I was 29. I was so worried that turning 30 was going to be depressing and I felt that I was in mourning for my youth. I predicted a miserable adjustment period, leading to a reluctant acceptance that my fun days were over. Then I turned 30 and nothing changed! There was no doom and gloom, which was greatly helped by celebrating with a holiday in the sun! Hallelujah!!!!
Fast forward to the present day….. and I am having a seriously tough time. I am months away from my (32nd) birthday, and I don’t feel like that’s the reason, however 3 months ago….. December 2016….. I moved house for reasons that are really ‘grown up’ haha We moved to an area with the best schools and chose a house that was tucked away from any main roads etc and opposite a quaint play park for our youngest. Also in December 2016….. I got married!
It is now March 2017 and I feel disorientated, lonely and basically the exact opposite of what I am ‘meant’ to feel! So why is this New Chapter not all flowers, smiles and wonderful walks in our new village??
Not to go into too much detail but I have had a fair few encounters with mental health issues in the past and I seriously began thinking that maybe I was reaching another depressive episode. However instead of just thinking ‘aha that’s what it is… I can sit back suffer the ride’ I decided to try and use the arsenal of tools I have been given by professionals in the past.
I began really thinking about and picking apart the reason why I am feeling low. During this process I have come to realise that I am going through a massive transition! Quite possibly the transition I ‘thought’ would happen when I left my twenties! I have left my comfort zone, quite literally by moving towns, and by status within my relationship. I am turning into the ‘adult – adult’ me, and I think it’s going to take some working at!
Now, I have two children and haven’t been partying and living the high life up until now and I never considered myself immature or ‘not an adult’, but I am realising that there are many chapters to being a ‘grown up’ and I am entering my next one!
So, I now begin; forming new friendships or as a very inspirational woman recently told me ‘find my tribe’, adapting to my new surroundings, which includes finding a new social scene where I don’t feel like I am drinking amongst the cast of a young reality TV show!!!, and most of all learning how to be happy wife!
Wish me luck and feel free to offer any advice!
Thanks for reading, N x